Three playlists / Three springs

Sounds | Lilly Stewart

Spring 2020

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0ulSNph55D7MNXCUaqgrGK 

“Home” by Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeros

Nostalgia. Summer camp friendships and family stories that make us laugh. We remember the past in snippets—a supercut of moments that make us feel safe and understood. Sitting in a tree fort or on a roof, swinging our legs and sharing secrets. The cat’s rhythmic purr reverberating into your chest. There's an overlay of sadness and mourning, the memory of something lost. Home is not always a place. Home is the company of people you love. The home of your own company never leaves, especially in isolation. 

“Ballads and Sad Movies” by Tops

Reflecting. Wondering how things would be different if. If there was no pandemic. If we had made different decisions, or gone different places, or spoken when we were quiet. Cold sunlight and rainy days outside a window, daily walks with our favorite songs for comfort. Giving ourselves closure when it wasn’t given by someone else. Conversations replaying over and over, because there’s nothing else to think about. No news in a personal life. Lost friendships. Lost lovers. Lost opportunities. A new beginning as Spring arrives.

“Lights Up” by Harry Styles

Change. In a brief moment of time, our entire lives can go in a different direction from what we expected. Mourning, nostalgia, discomfort, and yearning are all a part of that process. Things and people that felt certain and solid are completely taken away, transformed, or are hanging on by a thread. Beliefs and identities we held onto shatter in our hands. But we can’t go backwards. Rapid and unsettling changes lead us to a purpose that we can’t see in the initial moment of transition. Still, taking time to remember and wish for a time before, or an old version of yourself or your life, is important before taking the step to let go.

Spring 2021

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0B4dIrRzjq3WmR5IPlROQZ 

“Midnight Sky” by Miley Cyrus

Independence. Despite change, the one constant in life is yourself. Independence isn’t isolation, disconnectedness, or selfishness. Being content alone makes every connection and relationship that much more special. They add to your life, instead of filling a hole. Eating alone at a  restaurant, taking as long as you want while observing others. Breaking free from unsafe or unhealthy attachments without apology or explanation. Disappointment is an essential part of beginning a new chapter. It's natural to feel anger or confusion when things don’t work out like you expected. Watching an old group of friends hang out together while alone in your room. Shutting the laptop after the last Zoom class or the last online exam, feeling unaccomplished despite the milestone of completing another year of undergrad. Going to a concert by yourself, feeling the energy of the crowd unimpeded by a companion, hearing snippets of conversation as the lights go down. 

“Female Energy, Part 2” by WILLOW

Reconsider. There are moments that seem completely inconsequential at first. Nothing concrete ‘really happened,’ and yet there was a shift in your understanding, mindset, or feelings about a situation or a person. Even about yourself. It’s not hypocritical to change your mind. It can feel like a breath of fresh Spring air to shed off an old identity like the winter coat you no longer need. Letting go of an old idea leaves a gap, or a ‘naked truth’ behind. Lying in the sun with eyes closed. Sipping a warm coffee. A corner of the library with a view of old stone buildings. Spring rain pounding the pavement and washing away all the leftover snow.

“My Silver Lining” by First Aid Kit

Hope. Sometimes, it’s just about taking things day by day. In a world where we are extremely connected, more than ever before, it’s necessary to step back from scrolling through bad news and professions of doom and gloom. There’s a fine balance between being informed and being depressed and hopeless about the world. Finding a good book to escape the racing thoughts, watching your favorite movie, trying something creative like a puzzle or a craft, or getting dressed up to stay in. Little bad things add up, but so do little good things.

Spring 2022

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3Zf8oUIopfEepVesQkPraI 

“Closer to Fine” by the Indigo Girls

Empowerment. Taking the lessons you have learned and understanding that there isn’t always a clear path or a clear answer, even after certain trials in life. Looking outside yourself for answers can be disappointing, because everyone else has their own perception and subjectivity. Looking inward for answers while having faith that sense can be made out of the unknown. Or, that the unknown can exist in and of itself. Peering through a window at a white cat who blinks her yellow eyes. Finally picking up a book that’s been sitting unread on the shelf. Writing poetry without sharing it with anyone. Notes in the margins of a used book. 

“Tomorrow is my Turn”

Threshold. The hardest part of change is the middle. The metamorphosis. But afterwards, once you cross the threshold, you leave the stuck, pressurized, unmovable, and lonely place behind. Donating old clothes, and then finding the perfect pair of pants at the thrift store. Taking down Christmas decorations and rearranging your desk. Giving yourself the permission to say no to things that don’t meet your standards or are infringing upon your boundaries. Knowing that one day things will look completely different, and holding on to that image in the midst of transformation.

“Invisible String” by Taylor Swift

Fate. It is not naïve to believe (and to discover) that some connections are fated, for better or for worse. People come in and out of your life to teach you lessons. And despite the constant change and the destruction and rebirths we go through, there are some people who stay. Falling out of touch for months, and then reconnecting as if no time had passed at all, falling back into a rhythm of conversation or comfortable silence. Long drives, joint tattoo appointments, mutual friends. Being in the same place as a future friend, but not meeting until years later. A picnic on the beach while the sun sets into the Pacific Ocean.